As I sit here with cancer and a scary/unknown future the night before Thanksgiving, I could very well be asking what I have to be thankful for. I could be having a pity party and asking “why me”. Instead I will tell you that I am truly blessed for many reasons.
First of all, I have cancer BUT cancer DOESN’T have me! Cancer has taken so much from my family. It took my health and strength. It stole peace and security. It ended my job so I now worry about my financial situation. Cancer took over, shattered our lives into pieces and then laughed as we tried to salvage an ounce of dignity and strength. Cancer is a horrible, evil disease that steals so much from too many people. It has broken far too many bodies, families and hearts without the tiniest hint of an apology.
The lessons I’ve learned since cancer entered my life is invaluable. I will not credit these lessons to cancer, because it doesn’t deserve that kind of respect. I believe that I am stronger, kinder and wiser, not because of cancer but because of my response to it. The credit goes to God, my family, friends, and myself. Goodness comes from goodness, not from something evil like cancer. I will always try my very best to stay positive; even though it’s hard at times. I’m not thankful for cancer, but I am thankful for my family and friends. When cancer left me feeling completely alone, I learned how to reach out and find help. My family and friends provide endless support and compassion. They allow me to forget and be slow due to chemo brain and never get impatient with me. Some laugh with me about it and some make excuses to make me feel better. I say “at least it’s not dementia that will last a lifetime, mine is temporary”. Acquaintances have became close friends as they reached out to support me in any way they could. Some close friends became even closer as they offered help and a shoulder to cry on. I am so grateful for family and friends that help carry me through the hard times. I hold my family and friends closer as we face the unknown future. I stay strong in front of others but sometimes I break and they allow that without judgment.
I just had a great conversation with a very dear friend. She mentioned that she shouldn’t complain about her problems because mine were much bigger. There is always someone else worse off than we are. No matter how big or small an issue is; whether it’s a health issue, family troubles, legal battles, addiction, whatever someone is going thru, it’s still a problem or an issue in their lives and it matters, it’s important to them and those that love them. Problems aren’t on a point scale: they are still problems for that person and it might seem small compared to someone with cancer but at the end of the day, it’s not. Everyone struggles and everyone needs prayers. Just be kind to people because we don’t know their struggles.
I am very thankful for my life. Ups and downs will come and go. Some days I will be sad and other days I will be happy. My life may be a chaotic, it’s not the life I chose but God gave me this life and I will live it to the fullest until I just can’t anymore. I will give all the glory to God and will try to also give him all my fears and worries.
So as I sit here pondering life, I will say that I am thankful for………………..
My loving and forgiving God
My family and friends and all they have done for me
The anonymous Angel who blessed me last week
My good health pre cancer
My support system and prayer warriors
Small victories in my journey
Insurance
Doctors and their treatment plan for me
Fighting cancer is scary, lonely at times, intimidating, discouraging, and exhausting and something I never thought I’d have to deal with. To face my diagnosis with a positive attitude is truly the path less traveled. However, finding reasons to be thankful and grateful will increase my quality of life, make me stronger, and change my outlook on my future: I truly believe this.
Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you. I love you and you are all important to me. You are all a blessing to me. Thank you for walking this journey with me!
